The official definition of bullying is “seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce.” Knowing this, I’m sure we can all think of a time where either we were bullied or have been bullies. Even if we can or cannot, there are countless times we don’t even recognize the behavior. As someone who has experienced both, I think I can offer some insight.
How to know if we are being bullied
A lot of people don’t talk about it, but being bullied brings up a lot of conflicting emotions. We feel hurt and embarrassed, but we also start to doubt our own feelings. More specifically, when your bully is someone you know or look up to. You may want to give them the benefit of the doubt, wondering if you’re overreacting or just being sensitive. If nobody has told you yet, take it from me that anything and everything you are feeling is valid. And if you’re still doubting whether or not what you’re experiencing is in fact bullying, here are 3 characteristics of that behavior.
- Deliberate
It can be easy to catch someone on a bad day. Stress can cause people to lash out if they reach their limit, and it’s honestly best to not take it personally. It changes into bullying when the negative behavior is on purpose. By this, I mean what they do or say is unprovoked and typically specific to you. For example, a bully degrades you based on what you wear, the way you talk, or even how you socialize. These actions are meant to hurt and offend, and it is not random or accidental.
- Isolated
As we grow, there are just some people that, no matter how much you try, you don’t get along with. But what can start out as not getting along with a couple people can become bullying once it turns isolated. This means you are the only one being picked on or harassed. If you see that their negative behavior is only targeted towards you, this is intentional bullying.
- Repetitive
The last, and what could possibly be the most important sign of being bullied, is that the behavior is repetitive. If it is as often as every week, or even every day, that you find yourself being picked on, this is bullying. It doesn’t matter how minor or major the comments are; if it is meant to be negative and you are constantly at the receiving end of it, you are being bullied and should seek help.
How to know if we are being a bully
While it may be harder for you to “accidentally” be a bully, it is still possible. Especially when it’s someone you don’t get along with or can’t stand. It’s easy to let your emotions get the best of you and say that nasty comment whenever you see them, or pick on them a little extra when they annoy you. But what we don’t take into consideration is the effect that our behavior has on them. We dont know if they are going through issues at home or are already struggling with mental health. The only thing we know and can control is our actions, so it’s important to be mindful of how we treat others.
- One-Sided
On the topic of not getting along with another person, it can be easy to get into a sort of rivalry with them. I mean constantly butting heads, getting into arguments, or even physical fights. These instances are all reciprocated behavior. If you notice that the person you are acting out towards isn’t doing anything back to you, step back and ask yourself if what you’re doing is wrong. Because when you’re directing negative behavior towards someone who’s not doing anything back, it most likely is.
- Avoidance
A more alarming sign that your behavior is in fact bullying is how the other person is behaving. Pay more attention to if they are avoiding you or even avoiding being in the same room as you. Not to be confused with someone just not wanting to interact with you, the type of avoidance in bullying is one rooted in fear. The other person rushes to get away from you in fear of how you may act, and this is probably the biggest sign that you are in fact a source of harassment or bullying.
If you or someone you know is being bullied,
There are resources for you.
District Bullying Hotline: 561-434-8200
